Our Humans at Work series spotlights important life changes and struggles employees face in their personal lives, with the aim to give insight to how managers can sensitively approach in conversation and support. The video accounts are all anecdotal and subjective to the people interviewed.
Pregnancy loss is sadly far more common than most people think.
Having to reimagine the future you’d planned for yourself and your family is a deeply traumatic event - to say nothing of the physical toll that losing a baby takes.
Yet there is still a remarkable amount of shame and stigma around the topic - especially in the workplace. In this guide, we’ll be sharing some clear and compassionate advice to help you support team members impacted by miscarriage and stillbirth.
But first - hit play on the video below to hear Ben’s experience as a non-birthing partner - and his insight into how managers can make a difference to people coping with grief.
According to the WHO, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
For those who lose their baby, returning to work can be challenging. Research by Tommy’s indicates that 69% of people said their manager didn’t know how to support them.
Only 24% of organisations encourage an open and supportive climate where employees can talk about issues like pregnancy loss.
For Laura Buckingham, Co-founder of The Worst Girl Gang Ever, a charity set up to support the wellbeing of those experiencing baby loss and infertility, breaking the silence is crucial.
“We want to empower employers to effectively and authentically support their teams through baby loss. Part of our work is helping organisations develop a people first approach, not just through policies and guidance, but also by creating space for safe and open conversations in the workplace. “
Pregnancy loss is an umbrella term describing the loss of a pregnancy before 24 weeks gestation. It covers miscarriage, as well as:
Ectopic pregnancy - when a fertilised egg implants outside the womb
Molar pregnancy - when there is too much or too little genetic material in a fertilised egg and a baby can’t develop
Chemical pregnancy - a very early miscarriage, where a pregnancy test indicates an increase in pregnancy hormones, but the embryo is lost before it can be seen on ultrasound
Baby loss for medical reasons - where termination is offered because your baby is not developing as expected or there is a risk to the mother or baby’s life
Stillbirth happens when a baby dies before or during labour after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy.
Myth 1: Pregnancy loss is caused by something the pregnant person did or didn’t do
Some of the shame and stigma surrounding pregnancy loss is rooted in hearsay around supposed causes - things like stress, over-exercising, having sex or taking the pill. However, the vast majority of miscarriages and stillbirths occur for reasons completely beyond the control of the pregnant person.
Myth 2: pregnancy loss impacts different groups equally
Research has found that Black women have a 43% increased risk of miscarriage. The reasons for this elevated risk are complex, but racism in maternal healthcare is a well-documented issue. As a manager, it’s important to know that this inequitable treatment can compound the trauma experienced around pregnancy loss.
Myth 3: there’s legal provision for paid time off for pregnancy loss
Shockingly, this isn’t true in all cases. If someone experiences stillbirth or a miscarriage after 24 weeks, then in the UK they will usually be entitled to take their full period of parental leave - albeit that for non-carrying partners, this might not be very long at all. There is also an entitlement to 2 weeks of parental bereavement leave.
However, if someone experiences pregnancy loss before 24 weeks, there is no legal obligation for employers to provide compassionate leave.
Now that we've absorbed some of the facts - and fictions - around pregnancy loss, it’s time to look at some useful ways you can support team members going through this difficult experience.
For Faith Holloway, Compassionate Employers Lead at Hospice UK, it’s important for managers to firstly acknowledge that,
“you can’t do anything to bring your team member’s baby back. It’s not your job to change or fix how they feel, as much as you might want to.”
Talk about pregnancy loss. Laura highlights that specialist training sessions, like those offered by The Worst Girl Gang Ever, can help by ‘opening up the dialogue around baby loss in the workplace to avoid any elements of silence or shame’.
Encourage people to speak about pregnancy and parenthood sensitively. Whilst it’s impossible to completely eliminate triggers, Faith advises being mindful of things like baby announcements “ if someone on the team is announcing that they’re going on maternity leave, just checking in with your team member and making sure they’re not caught off guard can be really thoughtful.”
Remember that everyone will deal with loss differently. “It’s so important to support your team members as individuals during their recovery and take a personalised approach to help them return to work”, says Laura. As Ben highlights, some people will want to throw themselves into work, while others may deal with things very differently.
If a team member experiences a miscarriage at work - ensure they have quick access to a toilet and offer to call anyone close to them. Book them a taxi home or to the hospital - or, call an ambulance if you are concerned about them.
Remember that getting pregnant again, or parenting after loss can be difficult - expecting or having a baby after experiencing loss can bring up complex and difficult feelings - be sure to check in regularly with team members to ensure they’re feeling supported.
Make acknowledgement and support consistent. Faith highlights that “if someone goes through baby loss or pregnancy loss multiple times, it can be the case that the first time everyone is very supportive, and then as it keeps happening, the support wanes, when in fact, it’s still much needed”.
Don’t forget that people affected by pregnancy loss experience long-term effects. It’s not uncommon for someone to think they might be ready to return to work, but later need some further time off to process things. Ensuring flexibility in your approach to compassionate leave is key.
Don’t minimise your team member’s experience. Phrases like ‘you can always try again’ and ‘at least you/your partner can get pregnant’ may be well-meaning, but serve mostly to underline the discomfort you feel in speaking about the loss.
Don’t forget there is plenty of support out there to signpost team members to - from The Worst Girl Gang Ever’s podcast, to the resources offered by organisations like the Miscarriage Association, Tommy’s and ARC.
Don’t overlook the importance of particular dates. Milestones such as the baby's due date, the anniversary of the loss, mothers/fathers day can be particularly difficult for those who have experienced pregnancy loss or baby loss.
Don’t forget about the physical aspects of grief. Faith reminds us that it “impacts your memory, your cognition and your ability to concentrate. So consider practical things like taking notes for someone in a meeting or just helping them clear their diary to create more brain space.”
As Ben’s story shows us, the impact of pregnancy loss is deep - mentally, physically and emotionally. Providing compassion, understanding and space for your team members to talk about what they’ve been through can make a real difference to their ability to cope.
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