Trust is a fragile thing - hard to build and easy to break. However, as the old adage goes - ‘to err is human’ - and managers are no exception to this rule.
In this cheat sheet, we’ll share some ways to rebuild trust after you recognise that a breach has taken place - whether you’ve committed a microaggression, broken a promise or failed to respect a boundary.
As soon as you’ve realised that you may have done something to damage trust (or been unequivocally told that this is the case), it’s important to acknowledge and address the situation as quickly as you can.
Be clear, succinct and make sure any apology you offer to your team member is sincere. Avoid over-explaining your intentions, as it can come across as trying to justify behaviour.
For example ‘In our meeting with the team yesterday, I brought up X - that was something that you shared with me in confidence during our 1:1’s. I know it was inappropriate and I’m really sorry. ”
If the breach of trust has been brought to your attention through feedback, a good place to start is by saying thank you. Feedback can feel risky to share, especially when there is a power imbalance inherent in the relationship. If you need time to process in order for your response to be constructive, ask for it - but make sure you follow up as quickly as you can.
It can be tempting to monopolise the conversation to try and demonstrate how passionately you want to rebuild bridges. However, ‘monologuing’ centres yourself as opposed to the person who has actually experienced harm.
Instead, to reset your relationship with your team member, take the time to listen deeply and understand the impact of what happened for them.
Explore tech that helps you to operationalise these principles - platforms like Butter have features that will tell you how much time each meeting participant spent talking, so you can assess whether your principles are lived and breathed.
In some scenarios, it will be obvious what you could do differently the next time a similar situation arises - in others, not so much.
Regardless - when you’ve both already been open and vulnerable enough with each other to have a hard conversation about what went wrong, it’s a good time to ask for further feedback.
The trust equation, a framework designed by Charles H. Green, breaks down the components of trustworthiness.
Green highlights credibility, reliability and intimacy as key building blocks to help foster and maintain trust - all of which are undermined by a perception that you’re acting only in your own interests.
Following through on any agreed actions or feedback shared in the course of a conversation designed to rebuild trust is a must for both your credibility and your reliability.
Self-reflection can be difficult, but it’s a crucial part of learning and building self-trust and confidence.
We invite you to set some time aside to check in with yourself, consider why you took the course of action you did and think about what you would do differently if the same situation cropped up again.
Rebuilding trust isn’t easy and it won’t happen overnight - you need to show up and then keep showing up to ensure your team member feels like you’re fully back in their corner. However, we hope this cheat sheet has given you hope that your relationships can recover after trust is damaged with a team member - and some practical tips to reset.
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