Stepping into a management role is hard enough. But making the transition from friend to boss can be even more difficult to navigate. As happy as you might be to progress, seeing the relationships you’ve built shift can feel confusing and isolating.
In this article, we’ll explore common pitfalls to avoid after you’ve been promoted and the immediate steps to take to make the peer to manager switch successful.
When you transition from a peer to a manager, there will inevitably be a shift in your relationships with your former teammates. A change in dynamic and a slight awkwardness whilst everyone adjusts is completely normal.
A simple, honest and clear conversation can help break the initial tension.
Start by saying: “I know this feels strange. Our friendship means a lot to me - but I also want to make sure I’m supporting you as your manager. Let’s figure it out together.”
When you’re new in a management role, your top priority should be getting to know your team. This means asking specific questions about everything from how they want to receive feedback to what challenges they see as needing immediate attention. This ‘listen first’ approach builds trust and buy-in quickly.
You might think this is skippable for those you know best. In fact, the opposite is true. If you are particularly close to one or two of your team, this conversation about what you want your working relationship to look like is crucial, as is sharing how you want to show up as a leader.
Starting with these conversations also avoids a common new manager faux pas - making immediate and drastic changes in an attempt to assert your authority. Whilst your intention might be to show you’re taking your new responsibilities seriously, going in like a bull in a china shop is a surefire way to alienate your team.
Try asking these three questions:
If you’ve had a pre-existing relationship with some of your teammates, then it’s likely you’re relatively comfortable collaborating with and challenging one another.
Over time, this dynamic may shift, but as you’re making the transition into leadership, having someone close to you who’s able to give you advice on how to play to your strengths and call bullshit when needed is incredibly powerful.
Just because you’re now a leader does not mean you have all the answers. Asking for honest feedback will help you develop faster and feel less isolated as you step into your new role.
When team dynamics shift, people will naturally try to push boundaries and test authority. This might present in a number of different ways with someone you have a pre-existing friendship with, including an assumption that you’ll give more leeway on deadlines or delegate certain high visibility work directly rather than open up the opportunity.
Avoiding favouritism and being consistent in your approach across your whole team is incredibly important to build credibility as a manager and avoid simmering resentment.
This means giving direct and honest feedback where it’s needed, as soon as an issue arises.
Ensure you avoid: getting defensive when you receive pushback on reasonable requests; referring to your personal relationship when delivering feedback. Instead, frame your feedback around why the work is important and reiterate your expectations clearly.
One of the hardest things about transitioning from peers to a direct management relationship is the loss of reciprocity. The type of support you provide as a peer is very different from the space you hold as a manager.
The level of context you have on what’s happening at an organisational level will also change.
As tempting as it might be to share everything or slip back into mate mode and have a good venting session, you need to think carefully about what information can be shared.
For example, speaking about other team members is an absolute no no when you’re in a leadership role. In the long run, this will undermine your credibility and erode trust.
Try: Tapping into other sources of support, inside and outside of work.
Making the transition from a mate to a manager successfully means accepting that your relationship will change. Whilst you need to set some important boundaries and avoid oversharing, if you approach the situation with intention you can develop a strong working relationship rooted in mutual respect.
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